Ladies and gentlemen of all reputes! Let Ol’ Doc inquire as to your attitude this fine morning. Finding your self all wound up, tied in knots, your stomach churning?
Are you nothing but a bunch of twisted tendons, messed up muscles, juxtaposed joints and syncopated synapses? Job, spouse and youngin’s have you twisting in the wind?
Never fear! Doc Hollen has a cure that helped even this young man who rolled up to Doc Hollen’s Wonder Wagon just last night.
Though he wishes to remain anonymounds, he did give Doc permission to share his story and his “before” photo attached to this testimonial. When doc says he rolled in, that doesn’t mean he drove, was driven or that he came in any vehicle of mobile transportation. He was so wound up and discombobalated he rolled in over the ground like some sort of human tumbleweed.
Doc tried traditional methodoxologies first, tying his arms to Clarence, Doc’s horse and his legs chained to an old oak tree. Doc sent Clarence away from the oak tree at a gallop. Clarence got up to nearly 2 miles per hour as he raced away.
For a moment it appeared that the cure worked, but it wasn’t to be. The patient was stretched out to his full 7 feet 8 inches for moments. Doc was amazed, because when he rolled in the feller didn’t look to be much over 5 foot 6!
When Clarence was unhitched an the patient’s feet untied from the tree there was popping, whistling and a sudden “whang-a-dang-dang” and he twisted right back into the human yarn ball that he started out as.
Doc Hollen knew this called for a miracle of phantasmagoric propitiations. without hesitation he ran to the Wonder Wagon, took out the Industrial Size container of Doc Hollen’s Original Extract (pictured in the decorative and collectable fruit jar applicator) and dosed the patient with a full quart!
Within minutes the patient was not only fully relaxed but was unbundled and had grown a full beard. He stood up, paid Doc the discounted co-pay of $29.95 plus shipping and handling, tax and title and was on his way.